Three.

That is how many iPhones I've had since March of last year.

I got my first iPhone the day I landed my extra job working overtime shifts in rehab (which is where I work full-time now). It had its share of minor hardships, like the time something was setting the metal detector off at Walgreen's and the lady at the counter felt the need to make sure it wasn't my phone by sliding the back of the phone against the part of the counter that they slide DVDs on to deactivate the security whatevers. It was good and scraped up after that. There were also times when I would accidentally drop the phone and give it more scrapes and scratches. (Ahh, the original scratch-sensitive silver design.) Overall, it was a great and reliable phone, as iPhones are.

Then we went to Disney World. We were at Animal Kingdom one morning and decided to ride Expedition: Everest. It was a very fun ride. After we got off of the ride and went into the gift shop, I realized my phone was no longer in my pocket. I figured it must have slipped out as I was getting off of the ride and had remained in the seat. I went back to ask one of the employees, knowing that they would have it. They didn't.

Long story short, we figured out that it HAD slipped onto the seat and some guy from Philly had stolen it. We figured this out by looking at the phone's activity online and seeing that the genius had promptly used the phone to call his home phone number. We kept calling the phone but no one ever answered, and so we had the service turned off. Ryan spoke to the guy (via the guy's cell phone, which he had also called from my phone) multiple times and he had a different story every time (first he turned it in to an employee, then he turned it in to Lost & Found, etc) and got obviously antsy, but never came clean.

We accepted it. My first iPhone was gone. Ryan felt so bad for me that he got me another iPhone.

Then we went on a float trip. Now, the only times I had ever floated the river at that point were with my grandpa, who was and still is capable of pretty much anything I need him to be. I never had a reason to fear that anything would go wrong, like - Heaven forbid - our canoe tipping. After all, that only happened when mean people did it to others intentionally. So when Ryan and I were swiftly approaching a fallen tree in the Illinois River last summer, I assumed we'd bump off and be on our way.

WHOOSH. We and our belongings were completely submerged in two seconds. I had the breath knocked out of me and it took a few seconds to get my bearings. Every time I tried to surface, I hit my head on the bottom of the canoe. I knew I was going to drown. (I'm not exaggerating. This taught me what a "near-death experience" is. I 100% thought "Okay, this is how I die.") Obviously, I did not, in fact, die. I did get some nasty bruises and every orifice in my head was completely water-logged, but here I am.

I cannot say the same for iPhone #2.

Though that time it was my irresponsible decision to bring the phone along on the float trip (like I said, I was naive to the possibility of anything going wrong), Ryan again took pity on me. I have such a loving, patient, and forgiving husband. Along came #3.

By this time, the 3G had entered the world and was sold out in most stores. I had to wait awhile for mine to come in. But it did, and it's lasted me the longest out of all three by far. Again, occasional accidents occur; a drop here and there is pretty much inevitable.

Then, this evening, it happened.

My iPhone was in the front pocket of my jeans. It slipped out and slowly, gracefully, slid the short distance from its starting point onto the floor (I wasn't standing up). It landed face-down. I thought, "Dang it, I dropped it again...at least it was more of a slide this time," and picked it up.

This is what I saw.

As interested as I am in the physics of this, I am in mourning for my third dear iPhone. It still works, but as its glass shards are a threat to my nonbleedingness, it will have to be replaced. I've already, ridiculously, gotten an "iPhone splinter" in my thumb. A friend pointed out, "I hope it doesn't get glass in your ear....." Hmm, probably a good thing to NOT happen.

Who knows what the future holds? Hopefully not 483 more iPhones.