Yemma

Yemma had her follow-up doctor's appointment today. During this appointment, they reviewed the results of a CT scan she had on Monday. I am so happy to report that she is....CANCER-FREE!!!!

I am very happy that all of the cancer has gotten outta town, but also trying to walk the line between negativity and a cautious awareness that it COULD come back. I'm not at all trying to rain on this parade; just being mindful that the more I think, "We're out of the woods, we're out of the woods!", the more devastating it would be if it did return.

However, this is definitely a victory in itself! Thank you, Lord, for this huge piece of happiness, and for always taking care of us.

And thank all of you SO MUCH for praying/thinking good thoughts for my momma.

Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Yemma Update

I realized it's been quite awhile since I've updated about Yemma!

We've had some ups and downs, but "sometimes ups outnumber the downs," and that's our case. Good thing we're not in Nottingham.

Anyway.

Over this past weekend, Yemma had an unscheduled hospital admission. She'd been feeling extremely weak and sick to her stomach, so they admitted her and ran tests. Her blood counts were low again, so they transfused her. She has had a lot of transfusions over the course of her treatment, but they help a lot. The minor bump in the road is that because of this incident, her doctor has pushed back her next round of chemo to next week.

However, the good news is....it will be her LAST CHEMO! I can't believe how far we've come, and it seems like the time has flown by. Only one more round of chemo for Yemma, and then she will undergo some tests in the weeks following to make sure that the cancer has gotten outta town for good. I really hope and pray that we can just put this all behind us and that Yemma won't have to deal with it anymore. Her tumor marker is all the way down to 31, which is an extra helping of good news.

Thanks so much, as always, for your thoughts and prayers.

Yemma's 50th!

As I mentioned in my last post, my mom turned fifty last Sunday! Her friends from her small group threw her a great party and Ryan and I were blessed to be able to be there.We had yummy picnic food!


Two of my favorite people :)



Pi is such a celeb.

Yemma's friends chipped in for the bookshelves she's been wanting. She was floored!

My grandparents, my Aunt Lisa, my cousin Jordan, Ryan, and I had so much fun celebrating Yemma's birthday with her. Happy birthday, Yemma!

First Day of School

Today was the first day of school for my district. It was pretty busy - my mentor nurse and I took five trips between schools in order to get everything accomplished. I was able to get a decent idea of the kinds of things school nurses deal with, and though I see that it will be very busy, I don't feel overwhelmed. Each school has a skilled and experienced health aide. I'm told they will be my lifeline, and I don't doubt it at all. The people in the school system work very well together and frequently call each other to ask questions, so I know that my questions will be welcome and everyone will be patient.

I am so incredibly humbled to have this job. I hope that I will never take it for granted. It was such a sweet feeling to see my name outside the health office door at one school today. I wanted to take a picture, but my better judgment told me I'd better wait awhile before I expose my freakishly picture-obsessed self to them ;)

I know that there will probably be days when I will want to cry (or probably actually cry) and pull all of my hair out. But I love my job so far and my mentor nurse randomly told me that she loves this job as well. Yay!

In other good news, Yemma is responding very well to her treatment. When she was diagnosed, her tumor marker was around 360. It is now all the way down to 58. What a blessing! And she's only had half of her chemo treatments! She is in the hospital right now for round number four. We're all looking forward to when this is all behind us. Thanks so much for thinking of, supporting, and praying for us.

Halfway There!

As of Wednesday afternoon, Yemma is halfway through chemo! She is feeling pretty weak and tired during the days, but has been having some trouble sleeping at night. She told me that the other night, she was awake until 3am (my mom is one of the "early to bed, early to rise" types so this is really unlike her). She is still able to get out and about, thankfully. I spoke with her while she was visiting one of her best friends yesterday, and it sounded like they were having a good time.

Her boss and coworkers have been extremely understanding and supportive throughout Yemma's illness and treatment. It makes her feel bad to not go to work, but they are making sure she is guilt-free. Yemma has never liked not having much to do so this has been a struggle for her, but as always, she has plenty of loved ones' company to keep her busy.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support!

Bald is Beautiful.

Late last Thursday night, Yemma was released from the hospital following her second infusion of chemo. Her hair had been falling out all day, so we had Josey completely shave it off after we got home.


We think she looks so cute! Yemma gets hot a lot so she LOVES being kept a bit cooler by not having any hair. Of course, she doesn't plan on being bald forever ;)

Here is a better picture of all three of us:

So I'm up here...

Sorry for the lack of posts! I know I haven't been good about that lately.

Well, I was at work when I posted the brief Yemma update and shortly after I posted, I started freaking out. It came on kind of suddenly. I guess I had a bad look on my face because a nurse from across the nurse's station asked, "Sarah, are you okay?" and I started bawling, just like that.

So, in short, I took last night and tonight off work and drove up here after work yesterday. I didn't tell anyone I was coming up. They were all excited to see me, especially Yemma.

Yemma sounds a lot better, but she coughs a lot, especially at night. As I type, we're in her hospital room and she has just another hour or two to go on her 24-hour Taxol drip. Then they'll infuse two liters of Cisplatin into her abdominal port. It'll drip in by gravity (meaning just freely, instead of through a pump that regulates the rate) so it'll only take a few hours, and she should get to go home tonight even if it's kind of late. She's really excited about that.

Last night she got up and I heard her say, "Oh." I looked over and she was looking down at her pillow. There was hair all over it. It was just like in the movies, but it didn't create a spectacle for us. She continued, "Well, we knew THAT was gonna happen." I said, "I'm okay if you're okay" and she repeated it, and we went on about our business (which was watching the Shirley Temple version of "The Little Princess" on my laptop).

I want to thank everyone for your thoughts and prayers. We need them and feel them all around us. As ever, I am SO grateful for the peace that God is giving us through this. My main concern is for those of our loved ones who don't know Him and don't have that peace. It breaks my heart to see and hear of their worry. Of course, like the other night at work, I have my moments - I am human, after all - but Yemma and I have just put this in God's hands, trusting Him completely. In all honesty, I had just seen "My Sister's Keeper" the night before and watching the girl go through the side effects of chemo really stuck with me. So I mostly blame my imagination for my little freak-out session. (Side note - do yourself a favor and don't see that movie if you have a loved one newly on chemo. The book is much better than the movie, anyway.)

Allow me to leave you with this conversation that I had with Ryan on Gmail today:

Me: Eeeeeeeee!!! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=25259608
Ryan: hehe
Me: I loooooooooove! It's a journal and it's tiny.
Ryan: It is a death sentence. (Quoting the movie "Kung Pow")
Me: I was thinking someone could have their living will written in there. That way if anyone found them dead, they'd have it on them. Beautifully morbid, don't you think?
Ryan: But what if they died in a fire....
Me: That's why you spray fireproof stuff that I may or may not have just invented in my head on it.
Ryan: You could spray that all over you in that case.
Me: No because it's corrosive to human skin.
Ryan: You need a safer imagination.

Have a great "4th" weekend! :)

Chemo #2

In a few hours, Yemma will go back to the hospital to begin chemo round number two. We mistakenly thought she'd only have to be hospitalized for the first round - in actuality, all IV chemos will take 24 hours to infuse and therefore she'll be hospitalized each time.

Please pray extra hard for her as she has a raging sinus infection and a low blood count on top of having to endure a second round of chemo. And I know this is selfish, but please pray for me as I'm finding it very difficult to be away from her throughout this battle.

Thank you.

Head-Shaving Party!

Yemma got her head shaved yesterday as planned. My grandparents, Aunt Lisa, cousin Jordan, BFF Josey, and friends Tracey and Kristina were there. She's not Mr. Clean, just buzzed short. I think she looks adorable!



L to R: Tracey, Kristina, Yemma, Aunt Lisa, Jordan, and Josey. How fun!

Home from the Hospital

Yemma got to go home from the hospital at about 4:00 yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, her stomach got very upset and she vomited before she left, but she told me she felt a lot better after that. (I don't plan on detailing everything like that, by the way.) She also has the beginnings of the infamous metallic taste in her mouth. This is common with chemo. I know that it could be so much worse and am grateful that things HAVEN'T been worse so far and that she is still in high spirits, but I ache with concern for her. I think it's because I feel powerless being so far away. (Yes, I could be a lot farther than six hours, but that is a long distance when your mommy is sick.)

I know I'm speaking too soon as one "round" of chemo is apparently defined by the time it takes to infuse the drugs AND go through the cycle of rescue drugs, but I'm praising the Lord that one round of the chemo actually being infused is OVER. Five to go. I'm not sure if we can expect her reaction to the drugs to get better or worse from here on out. Will her body be more used to the drugs the fourth, fifth, sixth times around? Or will each round weaken her more and more so that the chemo takes progressively more of a toll? I do wonder these things, but I need to remind myself that God is in control and that my job is to pray for and love my Yemma the best I can.

As I said in the last post, Yemma was told to expect to feel the full effects of the chemo about 5-7 days after it was infused. Right now she's very uncomfortable because there are two liters of fluid just kind of sloshing around in her abdomen. I guess after the Cisplatin is infused, it takes a few days to soak in. My grandma said that early this morning, she was having to turn from side to side every fifteen minutes in order to let the chemo bathe the whole area. Hopefully she will sleep more soundly now that she is at home with her kitty cats. (Random shout-out to cats - all you haters take for granted how easy they are to take care of and how much their calming presence can mean. Haha, I know that's out of the blue, but I know WAY too many people who have quite uneducated hatred toward cats!)

Today is the "head-shaving party." Josey and my sister's two best friends, Tracey and Kristina, will be there. I'm admittedly torn between happiness that she'll have her surrogate daughters there and jealousy that they can experience this with her and her own daughters can't. Just being frank. However, I am SO grateful - as always - to everyone who has been supporting Yemma. EVERYTHING means something. So thank you very much for even reading this.

Chemo #1

Yemma started her chemo yesterday. Early in the morning, she had a small surgery to insert a port-a-cath that is now being used to inject the IV chemo, Taxol. She came out of the surgery fine, then was sent to the oncology floor, where the drip began immediately. It should be finished around now (24-hour drip), and then they will use the port in her abdomen to infuse Cisplatin, the other chemo drug. She should hopefully be able to leave the hospital tomorrow, and if all goes well, the other rounds of chemo will all be outpatient.

I spoke to her yesterday afternoon and earlier today. She states that she's feeling fine, just tired. Her doctor and nurses have told her that she will feel the full effects of the chemo about five to seven days from now, and that mostly she will feel very weak and tired. She said she'll take that over any other side effects. I hope she doesn't get too nauseated. She hasn't been nauseated at all yet - thank God!

This Saturday is when Josey is going to come over to shave Yemma's head. Like I said, I love that she's getting it all over with in one go and on her terms. My Pi will be taking pictures and sending them to me, so as long as I get Yemma's permission, I'll post them here.

Yemma has lost 25 pounds since she was diagnosed in April. She's been trying to lose weight and this is obviously not the way which we would have chosen for it to happen, but she might as well enjoy it! Here is a picture of her with one of the many blankets that have been made for her. She is - WE are - so richly blessed with great family and friends.

Thanks so much for the continuing prayers.

The Scoop on Yemma

I have a brief update on my mom. She went to the chemotherapy information session on Tuesday. She was bombarded with information and my grandpa (Pi) kindly sent me copies of everything. While skimming over the papers, I found something encouraging: there was a section that said something like "I understand that my chemo is being given for the following reason" and there were four options. The one that was circled basically said that the chemo was to prevent a recurrence of her cancer even though there is currently no evidence that any exists. I'm guessing this was just the closest option to her situation because her doctor had stated that there was some cancerous granulation tissue coating her organs - so it's not ALL gone, but hopefully mostly gone. (The other options were to try to keep it under control in the case of extremely advanced, terminal cancer; to try to shrink the tumors to facilitate surgical removal; and something about radiation, which is not currently part of the plan for her.)

She'll have six rounds of chemo and each cycle is going to be 21 days. That means that it will take her about four months to complete her chemo. (This is a lot longer than I anticipated, but I'm not sure WHAT I imagined - if that makes any sense). She has been told that she will lose all of her hair by the end of the second cycle. She is going to have Josey shave it all off before then because she doesn't want to be traumatized finding it in clumps on her pillow. She'd rather lose it all in one go and on HER terms. I love that, and I'm really comforted that it will be something for her and Josey to experience together. I'm so glad that Yemma has a "daughter" nearby while I'm in Oklahoma and Mary is in New York.

There's a very thorough schedule detailing which drugs to take and on what days after her chemo. They're called "rescue drugs." Basically, she has to get the chemo, then save herself FROM the chemo with these medications. It's a scary thought, but again, we're not allowing fear to consume us. We rest knowing that God is in control, and we are counting our blessings. He knew this was going to happen when He created this world, and no amount of freaking out on our part is going to change it. So we wait. And trust.

Yemma is getting her energy back after her major surgery. She is still tired, but less so. She's been getting out and about more and more. Her staples are out and I took the liberty of removing most of her steri-strips when I saw her on the way to Chicago (St. Louis is very conveniently located in the middle of the route from here to Chi-town). She will start her chemo on June 10th. Ryan and I will be up there a week and a half later to spend the weekend. I wish we could get up there before then. Alas, work calls. If praying is your thang, please do so. It works.

Thanks so much again to everyone for asking how my mom is. We are so blessed with a lot of people who care.

Happy Mother's Day

Since I know so many adorable mommies-to-be, I thought I would give them a shout-out on my blog and wish them all a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! No, your babies aren't outside in the world yet, but you are all taking great care of them and being wonderful mommies already and I am so happy for you. I hope you (and your husbands/families) realize that this Mother's Day does indeed "count" for you!

This year is a little sad for me because I can't be with my mom. Because of my work schedule, I'm unable to visit her up in St. Louis. The wonderful thing is that my sister ("Bruther" - I'm slowly introducing everyone's nicknames) surprised her and flew in from New York City to be with her this weekend. They've been having a great time and I'm so, so glad.

Yemma - you are simply the best. Throughout my life I have never failed to see the love you have for and pride you take in me. I love that we are girlfriends. I love that we call each other freaking out about the SAME things but can always help each other see reason on our respective "turns" to need a chill pill. I love that we laugh and act goofy together - you are a true Lucy Ricardo and have taught me to be the same. You have sacrificed everything for Mary and me, and now you need to know that it is okay to need us too. We will all come out of this battle as better, "schlexier" ladies!

Gra - the unfailing warmth of your hands is a perfect reflection of your heart (and only you could have inspired me to write something so corny and poetic). Not a day of my life has gone by without the security of knowing that if I have nothing else, I have your love and support. Thank you for letting me use your old typewriter and for saving all of the silly stories I wrote on it as a child. Thank you for teaching me the importance of education and PROPER GRAMMAR! I love that we've taken turns editing each other's papers for classes. You have taught me the importance of staying young and having an open mind to always learning new things.

Mimi - it's been almost eight years now. I miss your homemade mint tea and hot curried fruit. I miss watching in awe as you sewed the most beautiful creations I'd ever seen. I miss stopping for peach ice cream on the way to Myrtle beach, you speeding down the highway with your radar detector on. I miss going to the Love Feast at the Moravian church in Winston-Salem every Christmas Eve. I even miss your insistence that we listen to Dr. Laura on talk radio in the afternoons. What I would give to do it all just ONE more time. I can't wait to see you again.

Yemma V, I love thee! You have always been so welcoming and fun. I love your giggle and the fact that you actually say "Good grief." You have raised a family who definitely uses ALL of your brains - you guys are the most logical AND the most creative people I know. It's not fair. I need some of that. Thanks for putting up with Josey and me. We were too loud EVERY time I spent the night. Thank you SO much for being a great friend to my Yemma.

Lory - you raised a wonderful man and prepared him well to be my husband. Thank you for your extreme dedication to seeing him grow to walk with God. Thank you for being such a wonderful prayer warrior. You don't take any request lightly and it is such a comfort to so many. I am glad we are making such wonderful memories on all of the fabulous vacations we've been on together! You give so abundantly in so many ways.

I am extremely blessed to know such incredible women. Happy Mother's Day, everyone!

Adventure in the Air.....

So. My next few weekends (read: until the end of June) are all full of traveling and working. I'm working this weekend, going to Chicago next weekend, then working, then working AGAIN, then New York (!!!!!!!!), then working, then St. Louis for the wedding of two very dear friends, then working. Then it's July.

Phew. It'll be a busy month-and-a-half. All this and I'm still trying to figure out how to make it up to St. Louis to be with my mom as often as I can. We're stopping in on her on the way to/from Chicago and of course I'll see her during the wedding weekend in June, but it's not enough when my mommy's sick.

Meanwhile, Ryan is working on the trailer for "Greyscale"....then it's off to our producer in LA to get shopped around for distribution. Wow. I can't believe it's almost time for that already. We have no idea what is going to happen. It's all very exciting. The "worst" that could happen in this stage is that no one decides to pick it up for the time being and we end up bringing it to different film festivals around the country. Dang it....traveling with my husband, seeing new places...that would be the pits. ;)

Everything feels unstable right now, but I know that it's not. This is why:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I believe it.

I definitely smell adventure in the air.

Another Yemma Update

Yemma went to the doctor today to review the pathology results and get some more info about the game plan. (She also got her staples removed.) We found out that the cancer is Stage 3C, which is pretty far along but not the worst it could be. They confirmed that the origin was in the ovaries, and then it spread to the rest of her reproductive system and up into her abdomen. The only cancer that the doctor was not able to remove was some granules (eww) in the omentum. That's what the chemo is for.

Speaking of chemo, I'm sad to say that they've decided that the best course of action is to inject the drugs not only into her abdomen, but also intravenously. I don't know what changed their minds. The nurse told my mom that she will lose all of her hair after the second round. I'm not sure why, but they weren't told and didn't ask how long the chemo will take. It will be six rounds, but I'm not sure if it's one round per week or what. She's going to a chemo info session in a week or two and will find out more at that time.

My grandma (Gra) asked the doctor whether the cancer was in the lymph nodes, and the doctor said she wasn't sure and that it would have taken another hour of surgery to figure that out. I ask myself, "So what? Isn't that a pretty important thing to figure out?" However, I'm only hearing bits and pieces of info so I know there must be things I'm missing. I also know this doctor has done this before so I'm guessing she has no reason to think that it is in the lymph nodes. That answer was kind of offputting to me, though.

I'm glad that my mom and I are being so open with each other through this. We talk about how we are really leaning on our faith during this time and (thankfully) have a lot of peace about it, but of course it's still scary at times too. For the most part, we are feeling okay, but whenever we hear people tell us how scared/worried they are, or when they call one of us sobbing, that's when it's easy to start freaking out. I know that people have our best interest at heart, but I also kind of want to know what they think they are accomplishing by telling my mom that they cry themselves to sleep over this. Maybe they think she will take that as a sign of concern, but for her, it has more of an "Oh, so should I be scared too? Does this mean I'm no-doubt-about-it-dying?" effect. On the day I found out about the cancer (actually a couple of hours after), I got a call from someone crying their eyes out. It was like this person was already mourning my mom. THAT was scary.

I'm not targeting anyone specific whom I know reads my blog, but I would like to politely request that all communication with my mom be generally optimistic. Of course it's okay to be realistic and talk about fears too, but it doesn't do any good to play the "What if?" game. I would also advise anyone to stay away from Google when it comes to this. Ryan shared with me an article in which the person had had a loved one with ovarian cancer and that person went on to live as it if had never happened. In the article, the author stated that she believes that more people go onto the internet with horror stories than with positive stories, so it only looks like it's all terrible. I thought that was a good point and I'm hoping she's right.

I guess we will just continue to take it one day at a time and, as always, pray, pray, pray. Thank you all so much for your continued concern and support.

Yemma: update

My mom's surgery was last Wednesday. The doctor, as planned, did a complete hysterectomy and removed a lot of her omentum. Unfortunately, the cancer has started to coat some of her organs and that part couldn't be removed. The doctor seems fairly optimistic, but I am trying hard to cling to God's promises and not statistics or predictions.

The night after the operation, my mom didn't do so well. Her blood count was so low that it was thought that she was bleeding internally. She was rushed to CT at 2:00 in the morning and, praise God, did NOT have an internal bleed. She had to have four units of blood, but she's doing great in that respect now. She got to go home on Sunday and has been resting with her kitty cats since then. I hate not being up there, but am so comforted again by the huge support system she has. Nearly every time I've called to check on her, someone has been there visiting.

During the surgery, the doctor also inserted a port-a-cath, which will be accessed for chemo to be administered. It will start in about three weeks. My mom sounds great now and is in wonderful spirits, at least while on the phone with me...but I am afraid that the chemo will really wreak havoc on her system and make her feel awful. I know that I shouldn't worry, but I have a nasty habit of trying to imagine the worst thing possible so that whatever actually happens doesn't seem so bad.

Please pray for Yemma to respond well to the chemo - for the cancer to get outta town and for the side effects to be minimal. Please pray for peace for all of us and, especially, for our loved ones who don't know God to really see what He can do and to desire that in their own lives.

Thanks so much.

Yemma

For those who don't know, I come up with weird nicknames for my loved ones. My mom happens to be Yemma. She called my husband on Wednesday evening to let him know that she had been admitted to the hospital for severe abdominal pain that was probably due to kidney stones. She told him not to worry me at work, but he knows me - I would have been more upset if I hadn't known until the next day. So he called and told me and I prayed and, I'll admit it, worried all night.

The next afternoon, I woke up to a message from her saying that they wanted to keep her another night to run more tests. Almost immediately I felt like I should be up there with her. I called work and told them I wouldn't be there, then drove up to St. Louis and got in around 10pm.

The next morning, I came downstairs (I had stayed with my grandparents) and started walking toward my grandma's bathroom, explaining that I'd gotten nail polish all over my hand and needed to borrow some remover. She said, "Sit down first."

"Honey, all signs are pointing to ovarian cancer." And there it was. I was surprised at how not surprised I was. Of course, the thought had briefly crossed my mind and it was crazy to hear it affirmed, but thankfully God gave me immediate peace. There was no moment like you see in the movies when the character realizes something major and the camera zooms in on his/her face, making everything else "rush" by (or however that works - Ryan explained it to me once, but I've forgotten). I don't remember what I said, but I think "Okay" was the first word that came out of my mouth.

We went to the hospital and my mom was shocked into oblivion at the sight of me walking through the door of her room. She muttered, "Does she know?" to my grandpa out of the corner of her mouth. "Yes, I know," I replied. She and I agreed that we need to remind ourselves that God is in control and His plans are better than ours, even if they're not always what we want.

Let me pause here and say that I deserve ZERO credit for my attitude. It is 100% God-given; I am still flummoxed as to how I've kept my cool. Of course I've had my terrified, devastated, "imaginative" moments like any of us would, but in general I've had an overwhelming peace with this so far. I've always been envious of people who can recall defining moments when they could feel God right there with them, but now I have one too. He is right by our sides and will never, ever leave. It is ONLY by His grace that my mom and I aren't totally neurotic. We are praying that through this situation, God will show our loved ones and mere acquaintances alike who He is and what He can do. I'm telling you, this stuff is real.

Anyway, Mom's doctor came by later that afternoon to give us the scoop. They are pretty sure it started in her ovar(y/ies) and spread to her omentum, which is the (nasty) layer of fatty tissue that lies over the intestines. On Wednesday, a highly recommended oncologist surgeon will do a complete hysterectomy and remove all the cancer she can see/feel. Right now this is what we are focusing on, and we will hear what the doctor found and go from there. It looks like she will have a round of chemo about six weeks after surgery, but that is a tentative plan right now. It would probably be localized - she will have some kind of catheter that goes into her abdomen and the chemo will be injected straight into it instead of going all throughout her body. Whether this means she will still lose her hair, I am not certain. Again, right now we're trying to just focus on Wednesday and praying that it goes well.

Let me just say that I am so incredibly humbled by the outpouring of love, prayers and compassion we have received. We have heard from people with whom we've been out of contact for years. Of course, that fact can make the "c" word a little scarier given how seriously people must be taking it if they're making contact all of a sudden, but we are just so grateful for everyone's response to this. Thank you so much for every expression of concern, for every positive message, for every prayer sent up for my mom and for our family.

It was a little hard to leave today, but I know that my mom is in good hands. She has strong faith and a HUGE support system of incredible friends. When I called her this afternoon to let her know I'd arrived safely home, she was eating lunch and watching a movie with two friends. I'm so glad she's not alone.