Friday, July 10, 2009

One More Night.

I sit here at work thinking about tonight. It'll be my last shift at my very first "real world" job.

This is a big step, but it's one that I need to take. See, aside from a few months in which I went insane from dealing with the chaos that is day shift, I have worked nights ever since I got married. On a personal note, this has cost my marriage a great deal. We've gotten pretty used to hasty dinners followed immediately by me rushing out the door to work. Ryan goes to bed alone, then I come home in the mornings and go to bed alone.

I'm so over it.

I've been asked many times - scratch that; many, many, MANY times - where I'll be working next. I don't have the answer right now. No, it's not the smartest idea to leave a job without having another one already lined up. Some things are hard to explain; I can't even really explain it to myself - but it is time for me to wrap up my time at this hospital and turn to the next chapter. I have felt and continue to feel right about it.

Every so often I think to myself, I guess I should be reflecting on the time I've spent here. Then I realize that I don't really want to. Yes, it has definitely been a MAJOR learning experience, and working at a hospital seems to be a sort of necessary evil for new nursing graduates, but I've made a couple of promises to myself that I intend to keep unless I am absolutely desperate: never again will I sign a contract that enslaves me to a company for a certain amount of time, and (a much broader and more "shocking" promise) never again will I work in a hospital. Now, there are some specialty hospitals that could offer me "normal people hours" and not obligate me to work evenings, nights, weekends or holidays. That would be fine. But I feel that I owe it to my husband AND myself to put myself on a schedule that coordinates better with his - as in, is not the EXACT OPPOSITE of his.

I've made some amazing, amazing friends and I'll absolutely die if those friendships don't continue, but the time has come to say bye-bye to this job. On to...well, I don't know about bigger, but hopefully better things. And I don't say that spitefully - who doesn't want the next step in their lives to be better than the last?


Gilmore-Kozlen said...

Good luck!!! I am glad you are making your self happy instead of just making a paycheck!

Glamorous Life of a House Wife said...

I left a job without having my last one lined up. I gave my 2 weeks notice and a week later, this other job fell into my lap! Sometimes you have to make the first step for the next to fall into place. I'll pray you find your perfect fit soon!

Stephanie said...

Good for you, Sarah! Good luck with everything!

Layla said...

Oh Sarah! I will miss you SOOOOOO much! We will definetly be friends forever tho!!! I really think you came to rehab for a reason!!! I'm so glad that you are getting out of that place tho! Trust me, you will be better off! Don't worry about not having another job right now! God has a plan for you! He always does! I will miss you like crazy but I'm also so happy for you! See you soon!!!