I sit here at work thinking about tonight. It'll be my last shift at my very first "real world" job.
This is a big step, but it's one that I need to take. See, aside from a few months in which I went insane from dealing with the chaos that is day shift, I have worked nights ever since I got married. On a personal note, this has cost my marriage a great deal. We've gotten pretty used to hasty dinners followed immediately by me rushing out the door to work. Ryan goes to bed alone, then I come home in the mornings and go to bed alone.
I'm so over it.
I've been asked many times - scratch that; many, many, MANY times - where I'll be working next. I don't have the answer right now. No, it's not the smartest idea to leave a job without having another one already lined up. Some things are hard to explain; I can't even really explain it to myself - but it is time for me to wrap up my time at this hospital and turn to the next chapter. I have felt and continue to feel right about it.
Every so often I think to myself, I guess I should be reflecting on the time I've spent here. Then I realize that I don't really want to. Yes, it has definitely been a MAJOR learning experience, and working at a hospital seems to be a sort of necessary evil for new nursing graduates, but I've made a couple of promises to myself that I intend to keep unless I am absolutely desperate: never again will I sign a contract that enslaves me to a company for a certain amount of time, and (a much broader and more "shocking" promise) never again will I work in a hospital. Now, there are some specialty hospitals that could offer me "normal people hours" and not obligate me to work evenings, nights, weekends or holidays. That would be fine. But I feel that I owe it to my husband AND myself to put myself on a schedule that coordinates better with his - as in, is not the EXACT OPPOSITE of his.
I've made some amazing, amazing friends and I'll absolutely die if those friendships don't continue, but the time has come to say bye-bye to this job. On to...well, I don't know about bigger, but hopefully better things. And I don't say that spitefully - who doesn't want the next step in their lives to be better than the last?