Sunday, March 29, 2009

Okay, two posts in one night? You know it's a calm night at work. (Of course, I may have just cursed myself by saying that...) I don't mean that. I don't believe in curses. Actually, though, this is a very good segue into my topic for this post:

Random things I've been thinking about for awhile and always mean to blog about but always manage to forget.

1) Superstitions. I guess people have them because they're taught by example, because they've experienced something that they think gives them reason to have them, because they're bored...who knows? In any case, it absolutely FLOORS me how far the superstition of the number 13 has gone. Every time I see an airplane without a row 13, a list of buttons on an elevator without a 13th floor option, I shake my head and ask myself (and whomever is with me, if I know them) WHY. I can't really explain it, but I guess my thought is that the idea of building any structure involves a certain degree of seriousness and professionalism. The idea of a superstition that 13 is a "bad" number carrying over into building something is just ridiculous to me. Maybe that makes sense; maybe not.

2) I can't brush my teeth like normal people. For this reason, I have a fascination with watching people (on TV, patients in the hospital, etc.) brush their teeth. Normal people can stick the toothbrush into their mouths, close their lips around the toothbrush so its work is not actually seen, and brush like pros. I, on the other hand, have to curl my lips back so my teeth are bared and I can see all of them as I brush them. As a result, the toothpastey foam spills out of my mouth in a very unladylike fashion. I have no idea why this is. I would like to blame it on the fact that my upper gums are totally and completely numb because of a jaw surgery I had as a teenager, and therefore I have no idea if I'm brushing my teeth or my gums unless I look, but I'm pretty sure I had this issue long before that. I have tried to brush my teeth the normal people way. I long to brush my teeth the normal people way. But I just can't do it.

3) "Fingernail clippers" vs. "toenail clippers." WHY does it matter? Unless I'm mistaken, the smaller ones are "fingernail clippers" and the larger ones are "toenail clippers." The way I see it, the toenail clippers are only bigger to accommodate the big toe. Other than that, toenails are smaller than fingernails (unless you're weird). I prefer to use the larger ones on my fingernails and I have no problem using them on ALL of my toenails as well. In fact, it's easier for me because when using the larger ones on my toenails, I only have to make one clip. If all I can find are the "fingernail clippers," those will do, but I have to make three or four clips per fingernail. I must admit that I never knew there was a difference until I noticed my husband asking specifically for the "fingernail clippers" or the "toenail clippers." I thought the smaller ones were...I don't know, travel size or something.

4) Eyebrow plucking. I can't remember the age at which I started caring enough to do this, but I CAN remember someone telling me that it wouldn't hurt after I'd been doing it for awhile. That person was wrong. When I pluck my eyebrows, it has what I imagine to be a similar effect to tear gas. My eyes water, my nose runs like crazy, my mouth waters so much that I (unfortunately) have to spit into the sink, and I sneeze like no tomorrow. Does anyone else have this problem?

5) Water. When I drink it, it's like torture. (Okay, I feel really bad saying that because I recognize that people are ACTUALLY tortured all the time and I can't imagine what that's like. However, I will keep that description because most people know that I'm just exaggerating as usual.) I never get thirsty. Ever. I think it's because I'm rather cold-natured and the idea of drinking anything makes me even colder. It's also got to be because there's a spot between two of my upper back teeth that hurts so badly it's insane when anything cold touches it. I should get that checked out...anyway, I recognize that I DO need to drink water once in awhile, so once in awhile, I do. When I take a drink, it feels like the water all goes straight to my head and sloshes around up there. It honestly messes up my equilibrium. I feel like I'm full and water-logged and it's incredibly unpleasant. Why?

6) Commas. People LOOOOOOOOOVE commas. People love, them so much, that, they find, any place, they can think of, in a sentence, to put them. Weren't people taught when and when not to use commas? Didn't they pay attention? That's probably mean. I know that I'm not a perfect "comma-user." In fact, I think the comma has a certain degree of mystery that renders everyone in the world incapable of being a truly 100% perfect "comma-user." (Exhibit A: I find myself wondering if there should be a comma between "truly" and "100%.") However, with commas, less tends to be more. I say that because, overall, I've observed an insane excess of comma usage. Also, commas and semi-colons: there IS a difference. A semi-colon should be used to divide a sentence when both "sides" of it can be sentences independently. A comma should not take the place of a semi-colon. I should stop here before I get myself into a lecture I can't complete due to lack of knowledge on the subject. All I know is that the unnecessary commas need to stop. But I love you. I promise.

7) This is a last-minute addition that was inspired by "LOOOOOOOOOVE" above. I am all about stretching out words with extra letters for emphasis. However, attention should be paid to the letter you are choosing to stretch out when typing it. Think about saying the word. Would you say "Loooooove" or "lovvvvvve?" The latter would have you pronouncing the letter "v" for an awkwardly long time. My personal (sarcastic) favorite: "Loveeeeeeeee." The "e" is silent, so why stretch it out? Just a thought.

Okay, I should go pass morning meds now. (It's not really 2:09am. It's 5.)


Thursday said...

I totally do the open-mouthed teeth-brushing — it seems far more normal to me than trying to close my mouth around the brush. So, you're not alone on that one.

Mandie said...

I have the same problem with Plucking my eyebrows! It makes my nose itch and my eyes water. My eyes water so bad that I actually cannot continue at times... This is why I have now resorted to paying $8 every 3 weeks to have them waxes. Its quick but just as painful. I would rather quick and easy, than one by one pain! haha

Glamorous Life of a House Wife said...

This is hilarious. I get frustrated with English mistakes, too. It is very irritating.

Sarah's Adventures said...

I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one! Thanks, ladies, for reassuring me :)